Lopez said his whole world changed then, but that it's still not without its pressures. In fact, Lopez said, it wasn't until he was 30 that he attended an event in the bear community - a community of gay men who are usually larger, taller and hairier than one might find in the mainstream gay community. 'I was like, 'Wait, are you gay? And you're this gorgeous big hairy dude? What?'

The mentor, Gabe remembered, was a gorgeous, gay man of size. The first time he saw someone living a life that he hoped to live one day was in a church youth group he attended. 'I had to disidentify myself with white culture, gay culture and cultures of acceptable bodies,' Gabe told Mic. 'And, you know, that's a fucking ton of work.'Īs a queer brown boy, Gabe didn't see anybody on TV, on newsstands or elsewhere who acted as a model for him. And, growing into his gay identity has meant refusing to hold standards put upon him by his own community. Gabe told me that being big, gay and Asian has meant dealing with all of his identities and their different cultural perceptions of being overweight. Gabe, a Wisconsin resident and Midwesterner since birth, said growing up and entering the gay community meant learning quickly that there are schema for acceptable, normal bodies: the cis hairless twink, the sorta-hairy hunk or the gym bunny. And, like me, his journey to the shirtless selfie was a lifelong one. recently sent his first shirtless sext, too.